I fucking love "It's not TV, it's HBO" so much that it hurts. I mean I can say that in a part of my brain it is so happening that you can die. Oh my. I'm a proud fangirl. Just so you know.

Supernatural gets moved to HBO, and in a stroke of genius, Eric Kripke decides to go with the fangirls and make angel!slash actual canon. Jensen, being a serious artist concerned about his craft, is determined to make the best of this potentially awkward situation. Misha, being Misha, can't wait to mouth fuck Jensen on national television. What ensues is the sometimes wacky, all times awesome tale of...

I learned what happened in day four of Torchwood via thelake and oh my. Even though I have never watched DW or Torchwood throughly, I knew about it and my main focus is Jack/Ianto through youtube.

I feel for you guys. :( *gives big big hugs* And there is still day 5! Hope is out there, says Mulder.

What is happening to tv, that I don't know sometimes.

My foot hurts. :(

I PASSED! *flails* I cleared all of my second term lessons! Now I have only 2 courses from the next term until I graduate.

Oh my God, I mean, really Oh my GOD. I still can't believe it, but the results are just there and I have to believe but oh. I mean, I believe I thought that it wasn't going to work out again, that I would fail in my heart. But I didn't and it still feels surreal. I honestly don't remember how I studied and what I wrote in those papers right now but oh.

And thank you guys, every one of you who congrulated me, it was oh so nice of you. OH.

My second final result: I PASSED THAT TOO! Now I'm waiting for the evil final's result. *crosses fingers*

Today my ankle is stiff again but the weather is so hot. I think it's because of the humidity because when we turned on the AC it started to get better.

I'm wearing my black Pirates of the Caribbean tee, I feel fierce. I don't know why, I love that t-shirt, that's why I rarely wear it. I don't want it to get old. I remember the time I bought it from the Disney store in France, I yelled everyone to get my size cause I was not a child dammit. They were so French that they didn't understand my intentions for a while (a t-shirt for a grown up omg) but then they understood and get my size. It's one of the rare things I own as fandom merchandise but I don't care. Even if it was expensive. Heh. When I wear this, I always wear my hair up cause it has a logo on the up back. *snickers*

I'm listening to a stupid French song that I want to strangle Winamp. Why singing like a kid sounds a good idea to some? It's not dammit. Okay the song has changed, nice. I was up until 2AM yesterday, I was caught up with a Colin/Bradley fic. Random, but good.

I'm having so much caffeine this week that it hurts. I don't drink enough water. I should remedy this. I also have to write lots of claims today. AND I DIDN'T WRITE A SINGLE THING FOR MY OWN THIS WEEK. FAIL.

I used to ship Draco/Hermione back then and look at this:



♥!! They look so pretty side by side! And for glenien, a Harry/Ginny one. Hee. And then, I saw this;



AWWW. JUST AW. Originals (bigger) ; 1&2, 3.

I PASSED! With B+, but I can't care about the mark, seriously. Now the stat:

This term : Two unannounced, 1 passed.
Next term : Two left.

KLSDJFSKLDFGJSDKGJSÇ. I am so nervous about the rest.

I'm back at the office! *dances* And they have missed me! Lots of news!

I woke up at 6AM like I said, but the night was a nightmare. I couldn't get an ounce of sleep, ugh. (AND TOSHIBA KEYBOARD, IT'S YOU AGAIN, UGH.) Anyway, I got up and took the ferry at 7AM. It's actually the easiest way back home but it happens two times a day, one in the morning and one in the evening. So, this morning it was convenient.

Even though it was 7AM, I had nothing better to do, so I turned on my laptop and while everyone was snoozing, I wrote. Yes my dear friends, I'm like that. I wrote more than 8 pages I think, it may be even 10. *yay*

Then, I walked to the office. In the old times that walk was nothing but today it ached the hell out of me. Woe. Which means I'm stil not able to do my usual work, I'll be the office girl for a while. (Luckily my boss has said so too.) Yay for that too.

When I walked into the office it was CROWDED. That's not the usual way, so I was a little bit taken aback but then I remembered that 2 people were recruited while I was gone. One is a lawyer, we'll call him T, the other is a case follower, we'll call him M2.

I was surprised cause my desk was full with personal items which were not mine. I learned that they were T's, and for a second I got scared that I would be left without a desk but then it got sorted out. (I also got scared that my work laptop would be gone too but I got it back too!)

M2 is adorable, he is a year younger than me and M, and it was so obvious that he was waiting for my return eagerly. He said that in this month all he heard was "When Dilso is back, she'll tell you how", "Dilso can do this, wait for her" and stuff like that. He was so eager to meet me and I can say that he is now happy. I liked him too, he is a cutie and a good boy, it's obvious. From the second I walked in, he asked me this and asked me that. What I gathered from him is, big boss didn't take time to explain the job to him, he was left by all hisself. Understandable, big boss was left alone, we all three had left him in the same month and he was doing a job of four people. I assured M2 that it will be alright from now on, I'll be at the office and he can ask me anything about everything. You should have seen his face. When I told him that I don't even remember a single thing about the job, he squeaked! Aw.

It all comes back to me slowly though, I can't say that I remember everything right now but it's like bicycle. At least I hope that it is. When M2 asked me what to bring back to the office after the job that has been given to him, I explained every step with ease. So yay. And he was in ease too, I could see. It seems I'll be her little boss to him, like how my little boss was to me. I couldn't have done it if it wasn't for her.

T though, he is one of those 'lawyers'. He looks like a little bit snobbish, and since I am snob too, we'll see how it works out. (I'm a good snob though, I'm a nice person in the job world.) The man is kind of handsome, not pretty and nor a hunk but he is decent. I think he is 4 years younger than me but I couldn't have confirmed it yet. He looks all business, he always deals with papers and such. M2 said that he goes out in the morning and comes back in the evening everyday, that he is an outer. We'll see. I don't buy that dealing with papers all the time look, I'm a professional about it.

I also checked up on my laptop to see that if there were any touch on my personal files and/or Opera but they seem untouched, which pleased me. (Also showed me that T is an IE person.)

Big boss was happy to see me, he got down to the job in a second, he was that happy. LOL. He told me that he was making everything wait for me and now he was so happy. I saw the files, boy I'll be busy. He also said that he won't let me out of the office, so we're good.

Oy. So it seems we are back on track with the office updates! Yay!

ETA: Also, T is always polite and a gentlemen so far I've seen. Brownie points. But it seems that he broke my personal tower length water glass. But I can forgive him.

There is a rainstorm in here! Well, it's kindly annual, it happens around this months and in September. The rain is so thick that we can't see the next house to us. It's harmless though, at least in here. We are just enjoying the view.

The weather is chilly and due to rain I can't move or bend my ankle. Now, this is new to me. I never had rheumatism or stuff like that but now my hurt ankle is emotionally in a relationship with weather. I'm stiff.

So, tomorrow is the start of my long term work term. I'll be working full time till October or even November I think, until the start of mid-terms of the next year. It feels weird, but I kind of can't wait for it to start cause I missed my job. It's been 8 months since I started but I still like it nonetheless. We'll see how they'll use me since now I'm kind of immobile. It also means that I'll be up at 6AM tomorrow to go to the office since I'm at the summer house. That's the only negative side of it.

Today is the perfect weather to write 405, just like the mood I want. I'm writing some dark arcs, it's the end of the world (again). And Jensen will save us in the long term. Wouldn't you want to be saved by Jensen? I know I would.

I woke up at noon and then I got my baby (my little lovely laptop) with me to my balcony and ever since then I've been lying on my lounge chair, warming under the sun, stretching and reading fics.

I feel that I'm getting a tan, my legs are warm and I smell of sun. I'm hungry now though. And after nearly 3 hours, my battery is at 30%. I'll now go downstairs to fetch some food and then I'll try to write.

*stretches some more*

I'm in my personal balcony, let me picture what I see right now.

It's 22:03, it's naturally dark. The yellow lights of the village we are in are on, little white lights of the gardens are too. In our garden down below, I hear music coming up, it's classical Turkish. I'm singing it too while typing this. And I can hear many sing it too, it's a well known song by everyone.

In the garden next to us, men of our neighborhood are playing backgammon. Their laughter is coming towards here. Women of the neighborhood are making food for the table we are hosting tonight. On the house across the garden road, kids are playing their games, laughter is all around. My sister is watching TV downstairs, I'm reading a fic on my special long 'lie down if you want' chair here, people are clapping with the song, there are no car noises, no traffic jam, no people screaming or running or anything. Trees are hushing, the sea is calm as I can hear.

The sky is clear, moon is high, it's a near full moon, I can smell freshly trimmed grass. There is a soft wind around, I just wore a sweater. Now men are laughing at the guy who lost his game with an embarrassing score. Women are walking towards our garden with plates, a few moments later it'll be all festive. Everyone keeps walking in and out their respective gardens, the night is just so very young right now.

It's usually like this every night. Most of the times everyone keeps it to their gardens but sometimes it gets bigger and combined. I just love it in here, I hope that it keeps this secluded feeling in it for a long time.

Second day at the summer house. It hot but windy in here so I'm fine. The day started with a bad news on school side though. Not mine, but M's first final results are in and she failed.

I was the one looking at the results, she was struggling to wake up and when I saw that she failed I couldn't hold myself and yelled a 'fuck!' towards the screen. It's a sole pain oh my god. And she had 7 points until the passing mark, it's just cruel.

She of course went white and now she is at her home, all alone, re-studying. I can't begin to fathom how she is feeling right now, even though I know how it feels. And here comes my selfish part: I'm so, so so scared of living that pain right now. I have 3 finals to be announced and I know that if I see that bold 'F', I'll fall into pieces.

And this is a thing that no one can prepare you for. You just keep waiting and it hurts and makes you feel small. I can't even sleep cause I'm so anxious. I just don't want to feel that horrible feeling again and there is nothing that I can do about it. *shudders*

I'm at our summer house! *victory dance* Boy, it took so long to get here but I'm here at last. Right now I'm about to collapse cause I've been sleepless for over a week (3-4 hours in a day for 1 week) and since my exams are finished, my body decided to give up holding on. Wise body of mine.

Anyway, today was my final exam and it's really hardcore. Commence law that is, and it makes me go nuts. I hate any law concerning money and this is the mother of it so guess my stress towards it. This is my third year taking it and I'm still not buying any shit about it. It makes me go yawning in a minute, and I have to finish tombs for that lesson, ugh.

With this said, I can't say that I've studied properly for this final but I've tried. I really tried. I know my stuff since I've taken this for 3 years but I tried to make a profession about it, I didn't sit on my ass. My friend M did though, her behavior shocked me. She denied taking the final, she'll try to pass it on the make up final. I hope I won't come to that, I really do.

The exam was tough (as usual) but I didn't give an empty paper, which makes me glad. Even though my mom sometimes acts horribly over my school deal, even she acknowledges my hate towards this lesson so we are fine.

After that, we called our boss to say that we were free at last and what would he want to do with us regarding the rest of the week. And since he is awesome as hell and rocks the world, he wanted us to bugger off and get our asses back office on Monday. He rocks, really.

Then the long journey to our summer house began and when I reached home, I was nearly spent. But I kept my ground up until now. We even watched a documentary and laughed about it. I also even watched a part of a Turkish series featuring one of the most NC17 sex scenes recently. I can say that I was amazed, it was even more adultish than the things we see on international range. It was like True Blood style sex, I applaused.

Oh and I even made a stupid thing! The modem in this house is a very old one, it's a spare I keep, it was the first modem I bought. When dad decided to have a net line in here too, I gave him that spare modem. It is so old that it needs a CD for setup. It's okay though, it even works with Vista (old programs mostly do anyway, it was easy back then) but the stupid thing is, I forgot to take my external DVD reader from home to here to set it up on my laptop. When I stepped in here, I remembered it and ugh! Since this modem is so old, it was impossible to find its driver on the web (I searched), and while we thought of creating an ISO, I hesitated since it was my dad's laptop we were working on. (it has an internal dvd reader)

Then as stupid as it is, I relied on the basic technology of 1990s and I copy pasted everything in the CD to a folder, I transferred the folder with a USB to my laptop and then I called setup from there. And it worked. I like the simplicity of old times, they always work. You have to do a million of things to fool a computer that it's a cd in that folder nowadays. 90s rock.

And now, I have to sleep. I'll reply awaiting mails tomorrow morning, I promise. And thelake, ilu for texting me that law stuff today, it saved my life. ♥

Oh I'm going to cry so hard in this one. I've read this book while my sister was suffering from her disease and I was the one able donor to save her life but our doctors refused it saying that meds can make it easier and safer. I was the last resort, I still am. I hope that I'll never use that chance, that we'll never need it.

But seeing this family on the trailer, memories flashed upon in a second and ugh. If they accorded it to the book, it'll be a great movie. I saw some bits of Cameron Diaz's serious faces and she looked like she pulled it well. I hope she did anyway.

If you didn't read the book, you shall. It's a story that happens every day. Also ( the trailer of this movie is below. )

While we were studying, we just noticed that on a Saturday night at 11 PM we were still studying. I have reached a new level in my life.

Perhaps Michael is now singing with God.
Perhaps he is flying with Peter Pan.
Perhaps he is now moon walking on the clouds of heaven.
Wherever he is, I know that he is finally free.
Free to be who he is, rather than a prisoner of who he was.
We haven’t lost an entertainer. We have lost ourselves.
And his death didn’t happen in June of 2009. It happened many years ago.
And WE…were the murderers.
The killers of our inner child. The judges of our own fate. The builders of our own prisons.

Ode To Michael Jackson by Apollo Poetry.

I'm slowly gathering what the media/world is saying about this. It makes me both sad and angry that all the scandals are now forgotten. If they were that unimportant, ugh fuck.

I woke up to my sister's phone call today, she is at the other house and she talked in rush, she was seeking for reassurance telling me that "Michael Jackson is dead, did you hear!? I saw it on the tv is that for real?" and when I said her that yes it was real, she got really sad. In a span of time I got that this man made this simple event happen: a realistic girl looking for solace in her big sister to confirm what happened even though she could accept many things in real life by herself. This was Michael Jackson.

And like I read this morning via thelake, "No one born in the 80s is a kid anymore."

Thanks to rocking Moody How to meet and woo a nerdy girl, number #07 ;

Tip #7: Know your pop culture references.

Know the complete works of the Nerd Holy Trinity: Joss Whedon, J.J. Abrams and Peter Jackson. Know that Nathan Fillion will always be on your girl’s “freebie” list. When she goes to church and thanks God that Robert Downey Jr. survived the 1980s so he could play Iron Man, say “Amen” right alongside her. And for the love of all that is sacred and holy, do not EVER get “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” confused: one has Wookiees, one has Shatner, it’s not that hard.

=)))) AGREED.

He'll always be like this in my mind. The lyrics, the devotion, the message. His stage is empty if you notice, it's just him and that's enough for a good performance. He didn't need anything boosty. That gospel group also rocks.

Multiple reports: Michael Jackson dies at 50.

Oh my god. It feels surreal for no reason. It was like never supposed to happen and he'd be always there, you know? This man represents the era of my childhood, my youth, and now it feels so surreal. And what hits me the most that for no reason I needed to check news sites all of a sudden when it happened. I rarely go check news sites.

I can't even reach ONTD, it seems LJ's servers crashed down because of this. I can't imagine the crowd over there right now, more than 5/10 runs there, like me for coverage. Oh well, now I see the emergency maintenance message, it's been only 5 minutes! Admit it LJ, ONTD owns you.

Waow. This also means that this week nothing will be more important than this. I can't imagine what will happen in USA tomorrow. Or whole week. It'll be a gigantic thing, I can't even think the crowd that will happen. Also Fawcett died today, what a day.

It's like a part of my childhood has gone away. It feels so weird! I mean I remember so many things, signatured with his voice, oh my. He is one of the rare people that makes more than 3 generations genuinely sad with his passing away. That's something, his color doesn't play a role in this, or his faults or his scandals. I hope that he is in peace right now.

He was dying slowly in these years, today he began to live again and it's gonna be forever.

There is a great discussion topic over issahime about "Genderbend in Fanfiction World : Why?". I know that we've discussed this among friend circle, why people read/like/write them, so when I found that entry, I got happy to see other opinions.

As for myself though, I rarely read genderbend anymore. I tried it for a couple of times and they didn't bode well with me. I have nothing against genderbend (in rl or fiction) however the way it happens (for real or for kicks) but it's not my taste. Nor is Mpreg (Male pregnancy).

What I can say about my fiction taste can be described as this, I think : I like women as women and men as men. They can be asexual, bisexual, heterosexual and homosexual, I have nothing against it as long as they use their bodies functional and as the way they feel. But reading a character whom you know how he/she is like in normal times and the struggle afterwards is unnecessary for me. I can make myself believe that Merlin/Harry/Dean/Anyone is gay in fictionland, but my brain gives an error to make myself believe that he is a woman trapped inside that body.

I do understand the POV relying on "What if X was a girl/boy from the start?" stories though, they are different, they are different characters and they were always that gender from the start.

I just love all the questions the plot device can raise, be it genderfuck of a slash or het pairing, about sex and sexuality. Are you still a gay man when your boyfriend is fucking your pussy? When you're the one fucking the female body of your male lover? Does it truly matter? THAT totally fucks with societal norms, because it challenges that idea of either/or. Society says, if you like to fuck men, you are gay; if you also fuck women, you must be bi, but in reality we pick and choose what we are and often change our minds several times over the course of our lives. Even if the author totally goes for the story where the male-cum-female is slotted into a traditional female role, it still fucks with everything, because that is a man having to fill that role.

I guess my mind thinks that it matters. I'm not sure that if my boyfriend/fiancee/husband and even a male friend turns into a woman overnight I'd be fine and dandy about it. I don't think that I could wake up and kiss himher good morning.

I've never been interested in genderbend fics. I just don't get the idea because it is so out of character. And the most interesting and important thing about fics for me is the tension between the wonderful characters. I would not like to change the original characters that much, especially when I see no point at all. I guess I'm quite at ease with homosexuality and there is no reason at all I could figure why I would need to change the gender of one of the boys. I love them as boys and I have no need or interest in seeing one of them as a girl or"the girly one".

That too. I love/like/respect two people just like they are. Why change it? To me when you do this, you are creating a new couple, and it's different. Maybe labeling with gender, but it is labeling with gender when you bend the gender as your plot.

In the end I think I prefer everyone as they are, and if they are couple like that, okay for me. If not, changing/bending anything is just cheating. And I don't like that in relationships.

Like I said, maybe I am single minded, but everyone has a limit it seems. Hm.